when i watched lady bird (2017) for the first time it was a february morning in 2022. i was home alone and i remember this specific quote left me speechless. it was one of those lines you know will think about over and over and remember once the film has ended.
lady bird describes sacramento with care, and so does its writer and director greta gerwig - the whole film is an ode to her hometown in a way. just like gerwig wrote in the little women (2019) script:
“i started writing something […] it’s just about our little life. who would be interested in a story of domestic struggles and joys? it doesn’t have any real importance.
maybe we don’t see those things as important because people don’t write about them. […] perhaps writing will make them more important.”
and so, she chose to express her love for the place she grew up in in her semi-autobiographical directorial debut, which became a beloved film among the coming-of-age genre. “sacramento is where I grew up, so i felt like it had not been given its proper due in cinema”, said greta gerwig and the response the film had was that it finally gave the city the attention it deserves.
that’s what my biggest flaw is - i’ve always paid too much attention. i was too much of a perfectionist or cared too much about other people. but what was a shy child like me to do, other than sit in her corner watching and listening passively? when someone eventually decided to get close to me i did what i did best: i listened. maybe if i started speaking my mind they’d realise how different we really were and they’d leave me. i desperately clung on to whatever friend i had because i didn’t want to be alone anymore. however, while they were everything to me, i was only just one of many to them. maybe i wasn’t interesting enough, maybe they already had enough people to pay attention to. and as a result, i didn’t feel loved but i seemed to know everything about them, so much that i still remember their quirks and their breakfast order and their exes’ names now.
with time, i started to see it as a strength and not a weakness. i’m glad i know how each member of my family takes their coffee or tea so that i can always make them a perfect cup. i’m glad they remember how i like it too. to be loved is to be known and i see that as a positive thing. having someone know you completely can be scary for sure, but realising that they love you exactly for who you are makes it all worth it.
and in our digital age, we’re able to make friends with like-minded people who get to know you for your interests first, rather than your looks or personality. it’s no secret that “this made me think about you!” texts are my favourite love language and i still get all excited every time i receive one. when i started having online friends (not that long ago actually) and they took the time to share some posts or silly memes with me, i got to experience a new kind of love. no one shared things with me before and this time i felt like someone did care about me enough to think about me and make that known. for that i’m forever grateful.
what lacked in my former friendships was just basic attention. those people were so full of themselves that they couldn’t see when i was annoyed or when i needed help. a friendship, like every relationship, isn’t one-sided and it cannot work without honesty, trust and attention. every amount of love given is never wasted and i don’t regret what i did. i’m just glad i now know where to focus my love and attention.
i put all of myself into what i love and i enjoy seeing other people doing the same, that’s why i feel at home in this platform where everyone chooses to dedicate their newsletter to the things they love most, whether it’s movies (i wait every monday for
’s posts!) or books (i love ’s reviews). that’s what writing is all about for me.hope you enjoyed reading this and, as always, thank you for being here <3
love,
elisa
I love how tenderly you write.
such a delightful read. really felt like a hug to the soul. thank you for such a beautiful piece!