every spring i'm reborn

sunlight comes through the window, it lights up the whole room and bounces off the orange cabinets so that the whole kitchen suddenly glows with warmth. that’s what you get every late afternoon when your house is facing west, the setting sun is right in front of you and makes its first appearances after months of hiding behind clouds. that’s how i know spring is coming.

sunlight shimmers on the canal and at sunset i find it even more beautiful. the water flows on and on, its motion never stops, not even for a minute, and i’m reminded that there’s no stopping time and there’s no going back, not even for a moment. and yet, the birds i hear singing in the early morning sound a lot like the ones i heard when i was a child getting ready for school. the park is still there and so is that big tree that me and my friends would try to climb during late spring afternoons when we got out of school. new kids go there to play now, unaware that one day all these moments will soon only become joyful memories. i don’t see it as a straight time - in my head life takes the form of a circle. you go on through life only by coming back to yourself. you evolve and grow and yet the past still defines you. it feels to me like i’ve already lived many lives but in the end this is my one and only journey.

every person i was is still alive in me. i’ll always be the quiet child who only showed her bubbly self within the walls of her home, who spent her time singing and dancing around. i’ll always be the teenager who felt lonely and who was always longing for more than what she had. and i guess i’ll always be my current self in some way. all the lessons she learnt only made her a better and wiser person.

lilies by mary oliver, quote by chloé williams (this fool's old heart)

i am never alone. i carry all versions of myself inside of me. i take care of them, and in return they keep me company and teach me how to be. i bring little me to the park and i feed her cookies. i give teenage me a hug and i reassure her that one day she’ll be living the life she so badly want. i’m constantly reminded of how far i’ve come and of all the amazing things i can still accomplish. i can never be alone when i’ve been so many people. and right now i feel more connected to each of them than i’ve ever been.

everything i do, i do it for them.

spring bucket list: start running, rewatch pride & prejudice and emma, write something to submit to a magazine, spend time at the park and go on bike rides

& march favourites! : lauren louise and under a tin roof’s videos, this lipbalm i use as a blush, joni mitchell’s blue, the woman in white by wilkie collins (the book i’ll be writing my thesis on), the o.c. season two, my new brown vintage coat

i’ll see you all soon with another post and other reflections <3 thank you for being here

love, elisa