we will be interesting forever

22nd june 2023

louisa may alcott was right when she wrote “i could never love anyone more than i love my sisters”. i could have never found a person who would love me no matter what, who would always support me and bring me so much happiness every day of my life. i don’t have any memories of my life before you were born and i always took it as a sign that we were always meant to be by each other’s side. plus i used to talk to an imaginary friend too but i stopped when you came into the world. i want to believe i was talking to you all along, telling you about our family and our home so that you would find yourself in a place which already felt safe and familiar one day. i was never jealous of you as a kid, you made me feel proud from the start.

how can i ever feel lonely when i have you? we spent every moment of our lives together, so much time that we somehow became more and more similar and that people started asking if we were twins despite our four year difference. and every time i want to reply yes, we are, you are a mirror of myself and the version of myself i’ll never be. you are the sweetest, kindest, purest soul and you make me believe there really are good people in this world. you bring softness and light everywhere you go and it’s so easy to see why everyone loves you. no wonder i left the cinema shocked when we went to watch little women, just the two of us, and i couldn’t reply properly when mamma asked us how was the film. like beth, you are the best of us.

there are many beths in the world, shy and quiet, sitting in corners till needed, and living for others so cheerfully that no one sees the sacrifices till the little cricket on the hearth stops chirping, and the sweet, sunshiny presence vanishes, leaving silence and shadow behind.

as i sit in our room writing this you are spending your second to last day at high school, doing your last written exam. you’re growing up so fast, but in my mind you’ll always be my little baby. you have big dreams for your future and i can’t wait to see what you’ll become, although i’m always dreading the moment we will take different paths and have other families, other places we call home.

we spent nineteen years together so far but they’re not enough. i’d spend lifetimes with you. if there’s such thing as a next life i know i’ll find you, i’ll always find you.

happy birthday ale, i love you